Jan 17–24, 2026- The market did its usual thing: pretended to be mature adults, then panic-sold like a child having a tantrum.
$BTC can't decide if it's a safe haven or a drama queen
$BTC yo-yoed like it was on a caffeine blender dipping below $89K on tariff fears and Japan bond chaos, bounced back above $91K thanks to suspected Bank of Japan yen intervention (because nothing screams "crypto stability" like forex drama), then gave up basically all 2026 gains at one point before flirting with $91–95K again. Classic $BTC : "I'm fine… psych! Floor is lava!"
Crypto market gets rekt: $1B+ liquidations in one day
Over 182,000 traders got absolutely carpet-bombed (mostly longs, because who needs risk management when hopium is free?). Total wipeout topped $1.08B. If your portfolio looks like a war zone right now, congrats—you're part of the statistic. The market cap shed ~3% in a flash, proving once again that leverage is just a fancy word for "financial self-sabotage."
Bitcoin & Ethereum ETFs saw massive $713M outflows on Jan 20—like institutions collectively went "nah, we're good." But earlier inflows were chunky too. It's giving serious hot-and-cold ex energy. Pick a lane, Wall Street!
Trump tariffs threaten world peace (and your portfolio)
Fresh tariff threats on Europe sparked a global risk-off mood. Crypto majors slid, gold hit records (because boomers still trust shiny rocks), and BTC acted like the canary in the macro coal mine. Meanwhile, Trump's Davos vibes had everyone whispering "crypto capital of the world"… right before reminding us trade wars exist. Thanks, geopolitics—you're the real altcoin killer.
Overall vibe: Market started January like "new year, new me" then immediately face-planted into macro fear, liquidations, and tariff tantrums. Sentiment's in the gutter, but that's when the real degenerates load up. HODL if you can stomach the rollercoaster—or sell and become a gold bug. Your call.
What's your funniest loss/story from this week's bloodbath? Spill in the replies. 🚀💀
