Ever wondered if Bitcoin will finally moon in 2026, or are the Fed geniuses planning another "surprise" party for our portfolios? 🙄
BTCUSDT
Perp
95,386.7
-2.19%
Well, spoiler alert: those fancy economic models are betting on interest rates sitting pretty at 3.25% to 3.5% all year long. 📉
DOTUSDT
Perp
2.104
-5.77%
Apparently, keeping borrowing costs high is the "aesthetic" they’re going for. This means Bitcoin gets to enjoy some lovely "medium-term pressure" while we all wait for the Lambo that’s stuck in traffic. 🚀🤡
Instead of a vertical pump, we’re looking at charts moving sideways like a confused crab on caffeine. 🦀☕
GIGGLEUSDT
Perp
61.16
-6.41%
Just another year in crypto paradise where "higher for longer" is the only song on the radio. Stay patient, or just keep staring at the screen until the candles turn green! 🕯️💸