It's a habit I've never been able to change
It's about the sense of boundaries between adults
Never point out any problems of the people around you
Including your relatives and friends
Not easily pointing out others' problems is the greatest affection of an adult
Many people live for half their lives without understanding one thing:
No one likes to have their problems pointed out, even if what you say is completely correct
The more right you are, the more others hate you. Have you ever had such an experience?
Kind-heartedly remind your friend that his project has risks, don't invest in it
As a result, the friend turned dark on the spot and said you don't support him
Later, when the project really fell through, did you think he would thank you?
No, he hates you even more because your existence constantly reminds him of how foolish he was
If you are still using 'I am doing this for your own good' to point out others' lives
Today I want to tell you a cruel truth:
Every time you kindly remind someone, you are quietly destroying your relationships
There is no real harsh truth between adults
Your kind words may be harsh, and others will only see them as malicious slander
There is a concept in psychology called self-defense mechanism
Everyone thinks they are right
When you point out his problems, his first reaction is not to reflect
But to counterattack
He will instinctively defend himself and push you to the opposite side
You think you are a friend, but in fact, you are an enemy
I have always been straightforward, saying whatever comes to mind
I think true friends should point out each other's problems
Once, a friend of mine said he wanted to quit his job and start a business recently
As soon as I heard it, I got anxious, going on about a bunch of risks
What cash flow, what market competition, what success rate is only 5%
After he listened, he remained silent for a long time, then said something that still lingers with me
He said, I just want to find someone to chat with, I didn't ask you to be my life mentor
At that moment, I suddenly realized he wasn't looking for answers from me
He just wants someone to talk to, and I arrogantly lectured him
Ah, we have exhausted the conversation
What I should learn most is to keep my mouth shut
When others complain to me about being tired at work, I should say, it is indeed quite exhausting
When others say they want to buy a bag to reward themselves, I say you deserve it
When others say they want to break up with their partner, I say your happiness is the most important
I don't want to be that person who pours cold water anymore
You shouldn't be the referee anymore, or the one who points out problems
Don't be that person who thinks they are 'doing good for others'
Because everyone likes to be acknowledged, no one likes to be denied
If you give him acknowledgment, he will treat you as one of his own
If you give him denial, he will treat you as an enemy.
It's that simple
You might ask, what if he is really wrong
Am I just going to watch him fall into the pit?
The answer is yes, let him fall
It sounds cold-blooded, but this is the greatest respect between adults
His life is his, and he must take responsibility for his choices
You have no obligation or qualification to correct others' lives
Unless he kneels down and asks for your advice, and you are sure he can really take it in
Otherwise, keeping quiet is the best help
There is an old saying: seeing through but not saying it
This is not hypocrisy, this is wisdom
Truly smart people never flaunt their intelligence
They know how to restrain their brilliance and understand how to give others a way out
Understanding how to preserve relationships in silence
Remember one thing, the most thankless job in the world
It's about measuring others' lives by your own standards
Taking care of yourself is the greatest kindness to those around you
