Make a joke and I will sigh
And you will laugh and I will cry
Happiness I cannot feel
And love to me is so unreal
Black Sabbath - Paranoid
Crypto February 1, 2026: Collective Suicide or Just Monday( oh sorry, Sunday but... idk feels like Monday) ? Dark Humor for Red Briefcases 😈📉:
$BTC $78k — "digital gold" decided real gold is better.
$ETH $2.4k — thanks to the whales who dumped $3B as if they urgently needed beer.
Market cap -$150B in 24 hours — that's not a correction, it's "We're all going to die, but beautifully."
Liquidations $1B+ — leveragebros are crying into their pillows, and their relatives are screaming, "I told you, don't invest in crypto, go work in a factory."
While you're DCA-ing in fear:
Someone's already switched to IRL casinos; at least they have free drinks.
Maxi: "BTC — safe haven!" → safe haven has flown to real gold/silver.
Altcoiners: "altseason soon" → soon = 2028, if we live that long🤷.
Me: I'm sitting in $USDC and wondering if it's time to buy a coffin engraved with "HODL to the moon... or to the bottom🥃"?
2026 started out as a meme: everyone was expecting the moon under Trump, but what they got was a bear trap the size of the economy.
But seriously, if your portfolio is redder than your eyes after the three-day end of hunting season, you're not alone. Let's have a laugh together before it's too late.
Who's already mentally at the job market? Or who's secretly buying at -10%? Come down to the comments and let us know 😂
Hang in there, the decline will stop someday...👹👹👹 Maybe there'll be a rebound tomorrow... or another -20%.🤦