I just witnessed my entire portfolio being driven off a cliff by a sentient Shiba Inu piloting a vintage toaster oven.

I swear I only checked the chart for 30 seconds, but somehow ended up in a dimension where market caps are calculated in rubber chickens and the price of ETH is perpetually bouncing off a giant, iridescent mushroom. If you know, you know. Send help (or better yet, send stablecoins). Trading hours are 3 pm to "I can no longer discern reality from a fever dream."