You're in Virtua. Or VGN. Somewhere they made the wallet disappear so you forget you're on a vanar chain. You tap something. Nothing screams back at you. No gas slider, no "pending," no little dopamine hit of a confirmation checkmark. Just... the world keeps moving.
I tap again.
I didn’t decide to. My thumb did. The first tap didn’t feel like it landed, so the second tap is free, except it’s not free, except it feels free because there’s no, no little sting, no cost signal, no “you already did this” warning on Vanar. Muscle memory from every consumer surface trained me that silence means “try harder,” not “the Vanar session already advanced.”
I stop. I don't know I stopped. Then I know I stopped and I hate knowing.
I refresh. 0.7 seconds. Stop. Refresh again, slower, like if I’m gentle the shift will catch up. It already shifted on Vanar. I missed it. I’m standing here with my thumb hovering, waiting for the world to tell me I mattered, and the Vanar world-state is already somewhere else.
I wrote “lag” in the Vanar session chat. Hated it. Too simple. Wrote “quiet.” Too soft. Wrote “broken.” Too loud. The word won’t hold. I delete all three. Send nothing. Someone else says “lag?” and someone else says “nah it’s fine” and I don’t correct them because correcting would mean, what? Explaining how Vanar state shifts don’t wait for acknowledgment? I don’t know what I’d explain.
The state updated. I don't know that. Vanar knows. The chain knows. I don't.
I dragged something across the Vanar inventory surface. Dropped it. Picked it up again because the drop felt too, too what? Clean? Final? I don’t have a word for “too final.” The Vanar state was already clean. I made it messy by checking. The second input landed in the same Vanar session flow, handled perfectly, and now the moment feels wrong even though I know, no, I don’t know. I feel. I feel it’s wrong.
A brand tile rotates on Vanar. I glance, don’t slow down. Motion never pauses for explanation. I don’t want explanation. I want, what? I want the tap to answer on Vanar VGN. I want the silence to mean something I can read.
I wrote “confirm?” Deleted it. Wrote “did it—” deleted that too. The vocabulary leaks in. “Vanar.” “Session hash.” “Finality tick.” I don’t want to learn these words. I want the words to go away. I want the moment on Vanar to behave like every other consumer moment, except now I’m aware I’m wanting that, and awareness ruins it, and I can’t stop being aware.
Vanar Support teams gets "it didn't take." I didn't send that. Someone else. But I could have. It didn't take. No hash. No timestamp. Just feeling. Grafana stays green. The system worked, the feeling didn't, and feeling spreads faster than,
I don't know what it spreads faster than.
I keep tapping. Back. Forward. Same Vanar surface. The silence is the, no. I don’t know what the silence is. I keep tapping. The silence keeps being whatever it’s being on Vanar. I don’t know what “UI” means. I don’t know what “read” means. I keep tapping.
Friday. 5:00 a.m. Still here.