🚨 BREAKING… or maybe almost breaking? 🚨

America looks like it’s prepping to stuff a little happiness straight into everyone’s pockets. 🇺🇸💸

And Wall Street? Already dancing like it’s payday.

1️⃣ $2,000 Family Boost

Families under $100K might snag a clean $2,000 rebate.

No vouchers. No weird points. Not even a “scan this code.”

Just… cash.

👉 And they claim it reduces inflation. Yeah, wild plot twist. Didn’t see that one coming.

2️⃣ “Trump Starter Accounts” for Newborns 👶📈

Every baby born after Jan 1, 2025 gets a $1,000 investment account. Automatically.

Fully loaded with U.S. stocks.

Picture a toddler bragging about their Apple bag like:

“bro I been long since birth.”

TL;DR

➡️ Families get paid.

➡️ Babies become investors before they can walk.

➡️ Markets get another shot of espresso. ☕🚀

If this somehow becomes law, 2025 might be the first year where newborns wake up and mumble:

“ngl… I’m up 12% YTD.”$ASTER

ASTER

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